This morning, as I was sponging an unidentifiable stain off a bouncer chair with one hand, while simultaneously trying to remove mascara barnacles from my lower lashes with a nappy wipe with the other hand, I thought to myself: why not start up my blog again? WHY NOT WRITE A BLOG?
And already I’ve lied to you – I actually had this thought about a week ago, but if you have recently given birth and are looking after said offspring, you will know that there is no space for spontaneity anymore. Unless it is a shit sodden nappy or barf ridden body suit – these things trigger an emergency response – they are dealt with. Writing a blog? Not so much. Blogging falls somewhere below ‘wash hair’ and ‘eat sandwich’ on the priority list.
But here I am, writing on my blog after an absence of a year. I’ve brushed my eyes noncomitally over some previous entries – but I’m almost scared (ashamed?) to really look them in the eye. I’m still afraid of witnessing the change in me.
But before my writing starts to too closely resemble discarded lyrics from Fame – the Musical, let me reassure you and me. Yes, I’ve had a baby and he is wonderful, but I do not intend to write about being a mum, good or bad. I will not share with you receipes for organic teething gel, nor will I use this space to confess all my sins and work through any new mum angst. This blog will be … Vienna for me; somewhere that I’ve never been, where I know no one and where I imagine I can relax and temporarily not be a mum but instead become a turn of the 20th Century lady spy played by Ingrid Bergman (subject to change). Vienna also appeals to my unbelievably snobby self. I will come to Vienna to think about books, not Iggle Piggle (the fact that it is also Freud’s hangout rings some alarm bells which I will consciously overlook for now). I don’t yet know how often I will visit or what I will talk about – but I shall return Vienna! I shall return!